PERSONAL BOUNDARIES
BY MICHELLE HOPE
Setting personal boundaries means preserving your integrity, taking responsibility for who you are and having control of your life. Personal boundaries are created to clarify what are acceptable and unacceptable behaviours from others. Just as a fence protects and preserves our real property, so should personal boundaries protect our personal selves.
So, what are Personal Boundaries?
Personal boundaries are the physical, emotional and mental limits we establish to protect ourselves from being manipulated, used or violated by others. They are designed to protect and honour important parts of our lives. They protect your time, your emotions, your energy and your personal values.
Why are boundaries important?
Personal boundaries allow us to have healthy relationships, at work and at home. They promote a healthy balance of assertive communication with others and respect for self. Setting healthy boundaries allow for more opportunities to get what is needed, wanted and deserved in life. Recognising the importance of boundaries increases the chance for a more fulfilled and happy existence.
Healthy boundaries
Learning to set healthy boundaries is necessary for maintaining a positive self-concept or self-image. It is our way of communicating to others that we have self-respect, self-worth and will not allow others to define or hurt us.
It would not be possible to enjoy healthy relationships without the existence of personal boundaries, or without our willingness to communicate them directly and honestly with others.
How do we establish personal boundaries?
Know your limits. Clearly define what your intellectual, emotional, physical, and spiritual boundaries are with strangers, work colleagues, friends, family, and intimate partners. Know that you have the right to personal boundaries, set clear and decisive limits so that others will respect them, then be willing to do whatever it takes to enforce them.
Recognise that other people’s needs and feelings are not more important than your own- if you are mentally and physically worn out by putting everyone else first, you not only destroy your own health but you in turn deprive your family of being fully engaged in their lives. Learn to say NO- do not be a people pleaser, you do not do anyone any favours, least of all yourself, by trying to please others at your own expense.
Identify the actions and behaviours that you find unacceptable- let others know when they have crossed the line, acted inappropriately, or disrespected you in any way. Speak up; calmly talking about your boundaries enforces your sense of self and purpose.
Trust and believe in yourself; healthy boundaries make it possible for you to recognise your strengths, abilities and individuality as well as those of others. When you assert your boundaries, you are telling others how you expect to be treated and you are respecting yourself.